Bomb Disposal

In Hollywood time bombs have large red LED clocks ticking down, so the hero knows exactly how long it will take to diffuse the bomb (usually it takes 2 seconds less than the timer).  Why is it always a red LED, I wonder?  Why not green?  Or an LCD display?  And how does the hero disarm the bomb?  The bomb maker has used different coloured cables conveniently near the panel that easily comes away, making it easy for the hero to cut.
In real life it is different.  There is no clock.  You have no idea when it is going to explode.  There is no warning beep, no light flashing.  It has anti-handling sensors, so mess around with it too much and it will explode anyway.  All the wires and buttons look the same.  Sometimes you can press a button that will reset the clock.  Other times the same button causes it to explode.  But you can never ever disarm it.
Last night we had a pleasant enough evening.  I made up a jug of sangria to go along with the steak dinner I cooked.  All was well.  Then the guy across the road parked his car across our driveway.  He didn’t know about the munition situation.  He inadvertantly triggered the bomb.
Just before we retired for the evening She spotted the car.  Kaboom!  I tried to minimise the damage.  "But we’re not going anywhere.  What does it matter?"  Oops, I cut the grey wire.  I know I should have cut the other grey wire instead, though that would have probably had the same effect.
"That’s not the point.  He didn’t know that!  What if we had an emergentcy?"
"But we’ve been drinking.  We couldn’t drive the car even if we wanted to."
"But we might not have been drinking.  We might have been going out."
There are times when even the most experienced bomb disposal officer gives up, puts his head between his knees and wishes he was wearing his cheap watch.
This morning the fire was still raging.  She wanted to go into town.  "I’ll sort it", I said, in an effort to extinguish the flames.  As I went out onto the road a neighbour told me who’s car it was.  I knocked on his door and asked him to move the car.  He apologised and moved it straight away.  Problem sorted.  Fire damped.  No casualties.
Oh, I am so naive sometimes.
This was one of those explosions that fuels itself by sucking in more tinder.  A car in front of us on the 60 mph road was doing 30 mph.  It’s not often you see passengers experiencing road rage.  Everyone else seemed to be parking in Maidstone at the same time as us.  More fuel.  There was a jazz festival on, jazz bands everywhere.  She hates jazz.  She couldn’t find a shop open that sold what she wanted.
I have a wireless laptop.  I am hiding in number 2 sprog’s bedroom.  It’ll take her a while to find me, even if she looks in the bedroom (you could hide almost anything in number 2 sprog’s bedroom).  Even the sun must burn itself out sometime.  Mustn’t it?

About snodlander
Snodlander is the nom de plume of Bob Simms. He is an IT trainer, but it's not as glamourous as it sounds. When he's not enthralling classes with adventures through SQL Server, he writes, draws and drinks his own home-brew. Buy his novel on Amazon Kindle at The Young Demon Keeper, It's 74p, for crying out loud!

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